All bow before Vontaze Burfict
September 30, 2009 by John Stansberry
Filed under Uncategorized
Unconfirmed reports are circulating around that USC quarterbacks Matt Barkley, Aaron Corp and Mitch Mustain have all chosen to transfer out rather than face the beast that is Arizona State linebacker Vontaze Burfict. I find it curious that Mustain is going to pass up his chance to finally start a college game for someone other than Houston Nutt, but Burfict is just that much of a friggin’ bad ass.
Against Georgia, Burfict accidentially (I hope it was accidental) pushed the field judge into the line, which drew a penalty flag. But after the officials huddled up to discuss the actions of the beast, they suddenly acted as if the flag had never hit the field. “Nobody saw anything, nothing yellow hit the ground, let’s play some football.” Apparently, the fear of Burfict eating the first born child of each member of the officiating crew motivated all of them to do the right thing, you know, for the sake of family.
Next up for Arizona State is a date with Oregon State, home of the dynamic Rodgers brothers, running back Jacquizz and wide receiver James. You remember the movie “Saving Private Ryan,” where Tom Hanks and company went on a daring mission to prevent a single family from losing all its sons in WW2? I implore the U.S. Army to do something similar this week, please rescue the Rodgers brothers before Burfict has a crack at them.
Think I’m being funny? I’m just speaking the truth, and I’m certainly not going to sit here and do a version of those lame Chuck Norris jokes (Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song) with Burfict as the subject, because I’m not sure if the true freshman has a sense of humor. The last thing I want to do is piss off Vontaze Burfict.
The Arizona State media guide describes Burfict as a “ferocious hitter.” Now there’s the understatement of the new millenium. There is no picture of Burfict in the media guide next to his bio, and frankly, I’m thankful the media relations folks at ASU didn’t include one. Once you’ve seen the eyes of the destroyer, the descent into dread and total darkness will soon follow.
Burfict came into the public conscience as an All-Everything linebacker at Centennial High in Corona, CA. Apparently, that’s where General Stryker chose to reinsert the kid back into society after he coated his skeleton with adamantium at Alkali Lake. Burfict is listed at 245, but that skeleton alone has to weigh close to 300.
So how does the galaxy’s newest bad ass stack up with more established bad asses? Once you do the tale of the tape, it’s pretty obvious that Burfict would more than hold his own:
Vontaze Burfict vs. The Loch Ness Monster
Advantage: Burfict
Are you crazy? The Loch Ness Monster possesses neither the lateral movement nor the quickness to effectively deal with Burfict. This one’s over before it starts.
Vontaze Burfict vs. David Caruso
Advantage: It depends
This matchup is a lot harder to analyze. Are we talking the “CSI: Miami” Caruso? Burfict wins that battle hands down. But what about the Caruso from “Proof of Life?” Eh, it’s closer, but Burfict still wins. But if it’s Caruso from “Jade,” Burfict doesn’t stand a chance.
Vontaze Burfict vs. Kate Gosselin
Advantage: Burfict, but barely
If it’s just brawn on brawn, of course Burfict devours Gosselin whole and spits her bones out. But if she can keep her distance and wear him out with her constant nagging and bitching, it gets a lot closer. In the end, despite her efforts to weaken him with constant belittling, Burfict wins.
Vontaze Burfict vs. Real Atlanta Housewife Kim Zolciak
Advantage: Burfict, but barely
It appears that Burfict is immune to the kind of backstabbing and gossiping that Kim could throw at him. She would undoubtedly make a desperate attempt to gold dig him, but that too would fail, you know, since Burfict isn’t playing in the pros yet. But if Kim starts singing, all bets are off, because few living things can withstand a voice like that.
Vontaze Burfict vs. Cthulhu
Advantage: Cthulhu
Don’t friggin’ kid yourself, nobody beats Cthulhu. NOBODY.
The train wreck that is Binghamton basketball
September 29, 2009 by John Stansberry
Filed under Uncategorized
I thought the Washington State football team had the market cornered on athletes going wild. Their well documented problems the last three years have included no fewer than 25 Cougars being arrested, one of which involved a frying pan assault. A FRYING PAN.
Then along comes head coach Kevin Broadus and the Binghamton basketball team, an outfit that seemed hell bent on outdoing Wazzu. There had been grumblings around the program that maybe Broadus was taking too many chances on players with questionable character. Now it seems as if the worst fears of the Binghamton fan base have been realized.
Tiki Mayben, a key contributor in Binghamton’s first ever appearance in the NCAA Tournament last season, was arrested last week and charged with two counts of selling cocaine. Mayben was recruited by Syracuse out of high school but failed to qualify academically. Subsequently, the point guard’s path to Binghamton included stops at UMass and Hudson Valley Community College.
Tiki and Marlo
But Mayben’s attempt to moonlight as Marlo Stanfield from “The Wire” hasn’t been the lone recent appearance by a Binghamton player on police blotters. Guard Malik Allen was charged in November with stealing condoms from a Wal-Mart…when he could have gotten them free on campus. Hey, at least the kid is conscientious enough to practice safe sex.
Before that, forward Miladin Kovacevic knocked a Binghamton classmate out cold during a bar fight. He’s since jumped bail and fled back to his native Serbia, where he can beat up people in peace.
Should it be any surprise that this team wasn’t full of model students, either? An adjunct lecturer at the school, Sally Dear, said that her experience teaching three basketball players in her Human Development 304 class last year wasn’t exactly as positive as Mr. Kotter’s was teaching Epstein, Horschack and the crew. Whenever the players did decide to show up for class, Dear stated they pretty much disrupted the proceedings.
To make matters worse, Dear asserted that she was pressured to give the players (whose names cannot be revealed due to privacy rules) breaks that were not afforded to other students. Is that the ghost of Jan Kemp I hear?
Mayben’s arrest was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back. In its aftermath, the university decided to take the most drastic of steps by dismissing five players from the team. In addition to Allen, D.J. Rivera, Corey Chandler, David Fine and Paul Crosby were given their walking papers.
Broadus has learned that it’s a very fine line you walk when you build a program with second chance kids. Hey, everybody deserves a second chance, but some college basketball players obviously deserve it a lot less than others. In the end, the blame for this mess can be laid squarely at his feet.
Where does the program go from here? There is no point guard currently on scholarship, and only one guard period on the current roster. If you’re making an early projection for the field of 64, I would avoid pencilng in Binghamton if I were you.
Still waiting for that SMU renaissance
September 23, 2009 by John Stansberry
Filed under Uncategorized
I will freely admit that I have a soft spot for SMU. That death penalty the program endured back in the 80’s was just that, it was a program killer. So I think it would be pretty cool if SMU could finally bounce back and at least become as semi-relevant as a TCU or an East Carolina.
June Jones
Last season was year one of the June Jones regime, and the 1-11 result was pretty much the polar opposite of the 12-1 record he posted the previous season with Hawaii. Year two is off to a much better start, with the Mustangs currently sitting at 2-1 following an overtime loss at Washington State. A big reason for the turnaround is the fact that SMU has joined the likes of Auburn and Notre Dame as teams that are doing a much better job of moving the football this season.
Just as Rich Rodriguez did at Michigan last year, Jones discovered that even the most talented offensive guru needs a transition period. SMU finished 98th in the country in total offense, barely cracking the 300 yard a game mark. So far this season, the output is up over 100 yards a game to 432 a contest, an average that ranks a very respectable 31st nationally.
While the Mustang offense is moving it better and discovering the joys of playing with a lead, these guys haven’t exactly progressed to the next lesson: learning how to keep a lead. SMU failed to maintain a big advantage at UAB and blew a 17-point lead to Wazzu, which means this team could very easily be sitting at 3-0. Next up is a date with TCU that should serve to stir the old Southwest Conference echos.
The waiting is the hardest part
September 23, 2009 by John Stansberry
Filed under Uncategorized
In college football, some fans suffer much longer than others. Even though Duke has been about as bad as it gets during this decade, at least the program’s middle aged fans can remember the glory days under Steve Spurrier. Twenty years ago, Duke actually shared an ACC title under the Ol’ Ballcoach’s watch.
Two decades is a long time, but check out how long these fan bases have waited since their teams last won or shared a league title of any kind:
Indiana (1967, Big 10 co-champions)
Iowa State (1912, Missouri Valley Conference champions)
Kansas (1968, Big 8 co-champions)
Kentucky (1976, SEC co-champions)
Kent State (1972, MAC champions)
Memphis (1971, Missouri Valley Conference champions)
Minnesota (1967, Big 10 co-champions)
Mississippi (1963, SEC champions)
Mississippi State (1941, SEC champions)
Missouri (1969, Big 8 co-champions)
New Mexico (1964, WAC co-champions)
New Mexico State (1960, Border Conference champions)
NC State (1979, ACC champions)
North Carolina (1980, ACC champions)
Ohio (1968, MAC champions)
Oklahoma State (1978, Big 8 co-champions)
South Carolina (1969, ACC champions)
Temple (1967, Middle Atlantic Conference champions)
Vanderbilt (1923, Southern Conference champions)
The presence of four former Big 8 teams is a testament to how Oklahoma and Nebraska dominated that conference, and to a lesser degree the Big 12 Conference that all those schools are currently members of.
Five current SEC members haven’t tasted championship glory in decades either, which shows how concentrated the base of power in that league has traditionally been. Although South Carolina only joined the league in 1992, that program has yet to even win its own division over that time span.
One league whose members are conspiciously absent from the list above is the Pac-10. If this roll call of futility had been put together in the early 90’s, that conference would have been extremely well represented (Oregon and Washington State weren’t exactly filling their respective trophy cases back in the day).
But from 1992 through 2000, every single member of the Pac-10 won or shared a league title. That stands as one of the strangest cases of decade long parity that any BCS conference has ever experienced.
It’s still too early to say there are no great teams out there
September 21, 2009 by John Stansberry
Filed under Uncategorized
In the wake of Florida looking a little tight against Tennessee, USC looking bad in losing to Washington and Texas getting a good game from Texas Tech, a lot of folks are saying there’s no real power team on the college football landscape this season. In that mode of thinking, schools ranked from 4th to 12th now have a glimmer of hope that their chances of crashing the BCS title game party are suddenly much, much better.
I wouldn’t exactly start pouring cheap booze on the graves of the three teams I just mentioned, though. No, Florida didn’t beat Tennessee by 42 points as some had thought they would, but was the outcome of the game ever really in doubt? If Tim Tebow doesn’t fumble deep in Vol territory, the Gators go up 30-6 and are on the verge of making the bookmakers look like geniuses. In my mind, it was closer to being a Gator blowout than a Vol upset.
But let’s give credit where credit is due, because it was obvious that Vol defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin got into the heads of the Florida coaching staff. Florida offensive coordinator Steve Addazio admitted that he overprepared for a variety of blitzes that Kiffin never really called. Instead, Tennessee clogged passing lanes and prevented Tebow from making big plays with his arm. Unfortunately, they couldn’t totally account for his legs, and that proved to be the undoing of Kiffin and company.
However, I’m not going to say that Florida’s reliance on Tebow in short yardage situations was totally a result of Kiffin’s grand defensive plan. Deonte Thompson was out with a hamstring injury while a flu bug had an impact on both Jeff Demps and Aaron Hernandex. Without a full compliment of weapons, Florida relied on Tebow even more than usual.
I’ve thought the loss of Percin Harvin would have a bigger impact on Florida than people thought it would, and the Tennessee game makes me even more certain of that. Somebody else on offense has to step up and make plays, because as super as people think he is, Tebow can’t keep taking this amount of punishment and never get dinged up.
If Demps or someone else can provide some of the spark that Harvin provided, then Florida will be more than okay coming down the stretch. However, as workable as its SEC schedule seems, Florida still has to go to Baton Rouge. LSU will throw a more impressive group of athletes at the Gator offense than Tennessee did.
USC’s prospects coming down the stretch are a lot more complicated to figure out. It’s obvious that as good as his collection of quarterbacks is in terms of talent, Pete Carroll still doesn’t have anyone who’s quite to the point of making Trojan fans forget Carson Palmer (or even John David Booty). Against Washington, Aaron Corp’s lackluster effort under center simply doomed USC.
In the aftermath of yet another head scratching Pac-10 loss, a lot of pundits out there are burying the Trojans, with Dennis Dodd of CBSSports.com even going so far as calling it the end of a dynasty (however, I disagree with the label, a true dynasty has won more national titles than Carroll has at USC).
Whoa folks, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here just yet. All great programs have a season where the numbers game goes against them, and this is that year for USC. Only three defensive starters returned from a lights out unit, and the quarterback problems I mentioned earlier really hamstring this team.
Therefore, the problem with USC isn’t that the program is falling apart, the problem is this squad was overrated to start with. I don’t care how many Parade All-Americans you’ve got stepping into starting roles, you can’t start the year in the top five with this much inexperience.
Also, do you think it helped that Washington head coach Steve Sarkisian is a former USC assistant coach? Call me crazy, but that probably benefitted the Huskie game plan immensely, nothing like an intimate knowledge of a superior opponent to really shrink that talent gap. Coming down the stretch, it’ll be interesting to see how Washington fares against teams whose playbook Sarkisian doesn’t have on his shelf.
USC lost to Oregon State last season in late September and didn’t lose again the rest of the way. If their youngsters get a mean streak coming out of this Washington loss and the quarterback play gets more consistent, who knows, the same scenario might unfold for the Trojans this season. This is still the most talented program in the Pac-10 by a WIDE margin.
Turning my attention to Texas, I had a few people tell me they were a little unimpressed with the the fact this team only beat Texas Tech by 10 points. In the wake of Tech losing studs like Graham Harrell and Michael Crabtree (not to mention Big 12 sack leader Brandon Williams), I guess folks thought the Longhorns should have won this game by 35.
Texas didn’t win a whole lot of style points in this one is because their offense took a second to get on track. Playing with a noticeably restrained tempo in the first half, the Longhouns only generated 124 yards of total offense. After halftime, though, they picked up the pace and put up 145 yards in the third quarter alone.
Interestingly enough, redshirt freshman tailback Tre’ Newton toted the ball 20 times for Texas after Vondrell McGee pulled up lame. For a team searching for its identity in the ground game, that’s pretty significant. No Longhorn back had carried it that many times in a game since 2007.
If Texas starts imposing its will in the running game, I think this offense will become extremely hard to stop. Last season, Colt McCoy completed 77% of his passes without the luxury of a great ground game (Texas finished last season ranked 41st nationally in rushing offense). He’ll get even scarier if opposing defenses have something else to worry about.
It’s very early in the campaign, so we pretty much haven’t even made it to the first turn of the track. Therefore, it’s not all that surprising that some horses haven’t broken away from the pack. But that’s no reason to think that the favorites won’t still do so.
