Now that newly former AD Mike Garrett has been forced into retirement at USC, the school can embark on a housecleaning more ambitious than you’d see on any given episode of “Hoarders.”
USC’s president elect C.L. Max Nikias sent out a memo today that outlined the sweeping changes. In it, he named former Trojan quarterback and current nerd Pat Haden as the school’s new athletic director. Hopefully Haden can stop pulling for Notre Dame long enough to concentrate on the USC cleanup.
David Roberts, formerly the managing partner of Roberts, Raspe and Blanton LLP, has been hired as VP for athletic compliance. The memo also stated that the Freeh Group will now have an expanded role in the school’s athletic compliance efforts. It’s unclear whether or not that role will involve shooting any player agents seen walking on USC’s campus.
However, the most fascinating aspect of the memo was the following:
Daammmmmmn, they’re basically erasing Mayo and Bush from the school’s record books. In the case of film, the university will just superimpose Bugs Bunny over them in any clips in which they appear and adjust the audio accordingly. “Leinart hands off to Bugs, gain of three over the left side.”
The return of Bush’s Heisman prompted the following homage to Norm Macdonald from Deadspin:
“Reggie Bush Has Heisman Taken Away From Him Even Though He Didn’t Kill His Wife And A Waiter” (Deadspin.com)
These events have generated the following questions in my mind, questions that I’ll share right here:
- How quickly can Haden run this thing into the ground and oversee an 0-12 season for USC football? Two years? Three years?
- Can Bush still refer to himself as a Heisman winner when trying to score ass in clubs?
- After hiring Tim Floyd and Mike Price, will UTEP go for the triple crown and make Garrett its new AD?
- Is “C.L. Max Nikias” the biggest smug bastard name in the history of smug bastard names?
To read the USC memo in its entirety, click here.