Are SEC football fans as batshit nuts as you think they are?

The goofy saga of Toomer’s Corner tree poisoner Harvey Updyke got a little goofier this week when he was allegedly attacked at an Opelika, AL gas station after leaving a court appearance. Conspiracy theories abound on this one because no one actually witnessed the attack, but for now I will give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Here’s a snippet from Evan Woodberry:

Updyke said he stopped to get a drink and was hit as he got out of his car.

“This is not a Charlie Sheen stunt,” he said. “I’m not winning. I’m losing.”

Updyke said he didn’t blame an Auburn fan for his alleged assault.

“I’m not saying it was an Auburn fan,” he said. “There’s a lot of Alabama people upset, too.” (al.com)

To invoke the name of America’s newly anointed Nuttiest Celebrity of All-Time is about the most blessed thing Updyke could have done in my opinion. Because if anyone can relate to the swirling storm of craziness in Charlie Sheen’s head, then it’s Harvey Updyke.

If Updyke was in fact knocked upside the head as he was getting out of his car, then there’s no doubt in the minds of many that the phantom perpetrator is an Auburn fan. And that has every college football fan outside of the South questioning not only the sanity of Alabama and Auburn partisans, but the sanity of SEC fans as a whole. Are they all batshit nuts?

Well, judging from this classic NSFW clip, you would think that might very well be the case:

To say that football is taken seriously in the South is an understatement along the lines of saying that Dolly Parton isn’t necessarily flat chested.  You are more than justified to use words like “obsessed” and “rabid” to describe a great many SEC football fans.

One good way to gauge an obsession is to look at it from a dollars and cents perspective.  If someone is willing to part with a hefty amount of hard earned cash on something that on the surface appears to be a pastime, then he or she is pretty damn serious about it.

Spending thousands of dollars on season tickets and transportation costs to and from games?  That’s nothing for an SEC football fan.  Thousands more can be spent on the right AV setup at home in order to ensure that the games they can’t actually attend are viewed in the best way possible.

When you throw in the team clothing that’s bought and the other costs associated with SEC fandom (memberships to recruiting web sites, memorabilia, etc.), you’re talking about a significant investment.  And I haven’t even touched on the amount of scratch that boosters are willing to throw around.

But when you think about it, is what I just described totally unique to SEC football fans?  Not hardly.  On the professional level, think of the outlay of cash that a Dallas Cowboys fan has to make in order to ensure that he can see America’s Team live.  For decent seats at Cowboys Stadium, a costly Personal Seat License (PSL) has to be purchased before that person can even buy season tickets.

What kind of cost are we talking about here?  PSLs run from $16,000 to $50,000, but fortunately the Cowboys offer financing over a 30-year period with a fixed interest rate of 8% annually.  Jesus, what I just described sounds like the worst mortgage you can possibly get in 2011.  Therefore, I’d venture to guess that the guy off the street who’s willing to dump that much cash on tickets is just as obsessed with the Cowboys as any SEC fan is about his team.

Hyperfandom is by no means a phenomenon that is exclusively the domain of SEC football freaks.  The various ways that passionate SEC football fans part with their cash are matched dollar for dollar by their NFL brethren.  Think about it, you have to be mighty serious about something to buy and wear a hat that resembles cheese.

Now I can already predict where your mind is going at this point.  You’re thinking that Harvey Updyke’s actions aren’t those of a passionate fan but more along the lines of someone whose love for his team has consumed him whole.

Well, to that end, I guess Updyke is a lot like the LA Dodger fans who put Giants fan Bryan Stow in the hospital.  I could cite countless other examples not involving SEC partisans, but why waste the space?  Look, the lunatic fringe exists in ALL fan bases, so why pin all the craziness on the SEC?

And I gotta be honest here, when it comes to the rank and file fans at sporting events, meaning those who won’t poison trees or try to beat up people in the parking lot, SEC fans (and college football fans as a whole) are FAR classier than their pro sports counterparts.

Ever been to a regular season New York Jets home game?  I have, and I was stunned at the number of drunken, dead-behind-the-eyes folks I was surrounded by.  It was like the worst keg party I’d ever been to, only everyone was wearing Curtis Martin jerseys and reeked of chicken parm.

Hey, I’m not trying to defend Harvey Updyke, I’m just trying to remind you that guys of his ilk are not solely the domain of the SEC.  You’ve been warned, the crazies are EVERYWHERE.

NC State’s hiring of Mark Gottfried won’t quiet the rumors tied to both sides *UPDATED*

NC State fans had become so anxious over their school’s search for a new basketball coach that athletic director Debbie Yow felt compelled to do something, ANYTHING, to quell their fears. Courtesy of the Fayetteville Observer-Times, here is the email Yow came up with yesterday to do just that:

Yow’s note came on the heels of seemingly every decent name that was even loosely tied to NC State’s opening - Gregg Marshall, Sean Miller, Shaka Smart, Chaka Khan, Khan from “Star Trek” - deciding to take a pass. Adam Gold of 99.9 the Fan in Raleigh chimed in with a spot on assessment of what she said in the email:

There’s a pretty big difference between not winning enough and a program being in “bad shape.” The latter suggests a lack of talent or support, or worse, the specter of an upcoming NCAA investigation. Since none of those appear to fit the description of the state of the State program, I’m calling a technical foul on the athletic director for unnecessarily piling on Sidney Lowe.

Lowe didn’t leave the program in bad shape. Lowe left the program because he didn’t get the most out of the talent on hand. Maybe NC State didn’t have as good a team as we thought entering the year. They were certainly projected to finish in the top half of the league and challenge for the NCAA tournament — if not a pretty strong seeding — but that never materialized and the team seemed to disintegrate as the season grew. (WRALSportsFan.com)

Gold makes a strong point, because while it’s completely fair to get on Lowe’s case for not maximizing the talent he brought in, it’s a little goofy to characterize him as a program wrecker. In recent years I can think of coaches inheriting rosters in far worse shape than the one Lowe left behind (Tony Barbee this past season at Auburn springs to mind), and like Gold says, the NCAA isn’t sniffing around the basketball offices in Raleigh.

In the same blog entry, Gold also addressed the rumors circulating around concerning the fact that Yow is pretty tough to work for, which goes back to her time at Maryland:

It’s not a secret that Maryland’s future Hall of Fame coach Gary Williams has painted life working for Debbie Yow as an ordeal similar to scaling the North Face. That complicating factor certainly isn’t helping matters. What’s absolutely true is that stories about Yow being “in over her head” or “having a bad reputation,” (both preposterous in my view) are definitely circulating in the coaching community and anything that adds to the degree of difficulty in a job that already possesses obvious challenges is going to raise a scarlet red flag to anyone even remotely on the fence about the job.

Is Debbie Yow a difficult person for whom to work? Having never had that opportunity, I’m not qualified to give you that answer. But if demanding excellence and accountability make you a difficult boss, then you don’t ever have to apologize. In the male-dominated world of intercollegiate athletics, a tough, demanding woman will never be viewed the same way as her male counterparts. Unfair as it may be, that’s just the way the world works, even today. (WRALSportsFan.com)

I can personally attest to Yow being a demanding person, a trait which in and of itself isn’t necessarily a terrible thing. Last year I was tasked by CollegeInsider.com to do the press releases tied to their various coaching awards. One of those was the Kay Yow Award, named after Debbie’s late sister.

Keep in mind that this was just the press release announcing the creation of the award and who would comprise its selection committee, all of which was pretty straight forward stuff. As a courtesy, Insider agreed to let Debbie Yow review it before it was sent out. She proceeded to bounce the rough draft of that thing back at me THREE TIMES to make sure I got her sister’s biography just right.

If she’s as picky about the athletic department at NC State as she is about making sure her sister’s legacy is protected, then I can see how she might come off as a ball buster of the highest degree. But let’s be honest concerning her biggest critic, Gary Williams.  The guy didn’t exactly follow up that national title in 2002 with a string of subsequent Final Four appearances. If Yow was on his case about that, then more power to her for holding Williams to a championship standard that he had already established for himself.

In regard to her current search, that ended late this afternoon with the hiring of Mark Gottfried, the former Alabama coach who’s spent the last two years working as an analyst for ESPN.  Because his isn’t a name that’s had any amount of buzz attached to it, you had better believe those rumors surrounding Yow’s managerial style will swirl around for a while.  I’m sure many NC State fans will wonder aloud, “Is this the only guy who’s willing to work for Debbie Yow?”

I will refer you back to Yow’s email and the following sentence: “But, right now, we need to remain focused on finding a talented collegiate coach who is a fighter, full of confidence and appreciation for the opportunity to lead our basketball program back to national prominence.” Hey, she wasn’t lying, because I’m sure there’s NOBODY more appreciative than Gottfried is to be coaching an ACC team today.

Like his new boss, Gottfried has also been dogged by the rumor mill, especially when it comes to the circumstances regarding his departure from Alabama. Zip over to Google and type in “mark gottfried college coed” and you’ll see what I mean. Did he or didn’t he? Who knows, but I’m sure more than a few callers to Paul Finebaum’s radio show today will be sure to bring it up.

The Twitterverse has pretty much universally panned the hire, but I’m not so quick to do so for a couple of reasons. First off, Gottfried has actually shown the ability to be a pretty consistent winner. He had a string of five straight NCAA appearances during his stay in Tuscaloosa before a dip in the win column sealed his fate. Let me turn to my partner in audio crime for his assessment of the guy:

Secondly, the experiences of Gottfried’s former colleague Steve Lavin could provide some insight into what NC State fans have in store. Both were assistants to Jim Harrick at UCLA, with Lavin actually succeeding him. Like Gottfried at Alabama, Lavin lost the UCLA job after a dip in wins and subsequently found refuge in broadcasting. After some time away from the game, Lavin jumped back into the coaching ranks this past season, inheriting a talented St. John’s team and guiding it into the NCAA Tournament.

The same scenario unfolding this coming season at NC State isn’t entirely outside the realm of possibility. Of course, if things get rough, I’m sure we’ll start hearing crazy stuff like Gottfried finding comfort in the arms of an NC State coed because Debbie Yow is just entirely too tough to work for. Rumors aren’t like old soldiers, you know. They never really fade away.

*** UPDATE ***

Wow, I wish I had waited about 20 minutes to post the original entry, because Debbie Yow dropped the following nuke at the press conference where Gottfried was introduced:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

I’ll let the Baltimore Sun provide the particulars on Williams’s response:

Williams released the following statement shortly after the press conference:

“I haven’t talked to anyone – coach or athletic director – connected to the NC State search. I don’t have any interest in the NC State search, since I’m coaching at Maryland and working hard to run our program. Anyone who says I’ve had contact with a prospective coach or athletic director regarding this search isn’t being truthful.” (BaltimoreSun.com)

This thing just got extremely BLESSED in a hurry. So basically, at the press conference to introduce her new hire, Yow said the search was sabotaged WHILE THE GUY SHE ENDED UP HIRING WAS STANDING THERE. Jesus, I wonder how Gottfried felt at that moment, because in a way Yow was saying, “The people we really wanted were coerced into turning us down, so we ended up with this stiff right here.”

And just how did Williams sabotage this search?  Did he call up guys like Smart and say things like, “Yeah, Shaka, that Yow chick tried to stab me with a letter opener one time after we lost to Duke.  No joke, champ.”

Jim Nantz is a nitwit of the highest order

In a Final Four where not one but two mid-major teams crashed the party, I figured the national media could find more to focus on than the similarities in nickname between the two combatants in the title game. But I was horribly wrong.

You see, Connecticut’s mascot is a Husky, and that’s a dog. And Butler’s mascot is a Bulldog, and wouldn’t you know it, that’s a dog as well. So how CUH-RAAAAAZY is it that a couple of teams with dog nicknames would get to the title game? Jim Nantz thought it was pretty nuts:

Nantz had an arsenal of those loaded up in his University of Houston educated brain, just in case UConn decided to play another six overtime postseason game. Here are the canine puns he didn’t have time to get to:

“Call him Dr. Calhoun the veterinarian, because he just spayed Butler’s players and neutered their cheerleaders. UConn wins the title!”

“Matt Howard needs to quit daydreaming about licking his balls and concentrate on his shot a little more.”

“This shooting is atrocious, Michael Vick would’ve put down both these teams ten minutes ago.”

“Brad Stevens looks frustrated on the Butler bench. I haven’t seen a guy have a harder time with dogs since Charles Grodin in the ‘Beethoven’ movies.”

“Speaking of dogs, this wasn’t the most scenic of Final Fours behind the baskets, if you catch my drift. Wouldn’t have minded Florida State making it and bringing their cheerleaders, those are some good looking Pomeranians.”

Nantz will now shelve his dog references because next up for him is a trip to Augusta to call the Masters. It’ll be nothing but hushed, reverential tones as he tells us over and over and over just how beautiful Augusta National is.  Too bad, because some of his Final Four material might come in handy when referencing that dogleg right on the 18th.

HBO’s Real Sports will save college athletics with creative “reporting”

So on the latest addition of Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, four former Auburn football players (Raven Gray, Stanley McGlover, Chaz Ramsey and Troy Reddick) said they were paid to play football for the school. If you haven’t seen it, well, I’ll provide a recap: four guys with axes to grind spilled their guts, but provided very little in the way of proof.

McClover told fantastic tales of book bags full of money being left by Auburn “boosters” (none of whom he could actually name) and recruiting trips to Ohio State where he was free to bang any chick in sight. Reddick went further, not only saying that he was paid (he couldn’t name his benefactor, either), but also alleging that Auburn coaches forced him to change his major. He even threw this nugget in:

Reddick: “I sold my SEC Championship watch right off the stage as we were celebrating in Toomer’s Corner.”

Kremer: “Why did you sell it?”

Reddick: “Because it was useless to me. I had to sell all my championship rings to help my sister not go into debt as her house was about to be foreclosed on.”

Wait, hold on a second.  If Auburn was so free and loose with the cash, couldn’t some of it had been thrown at Reddick’s sister to help her in her time of need?  Hell, Oklahoma boosters bought Marcus Dupree’s mom a trailer once upon a time, so I’m sure the legion of nefarious Auburn boosters could’ve helped Reddick’s sister get right with her bank again.  You know, because they’re evil and stuff.

On the telecast, Reddick could barely contain his hate for Auburn, it was practically dripping from his nose. Could some of that have something to do with the fact that he was turned down after he applied for a Graduate Assistant coaching position at Auburn last year? Hmmmm…

Ramsey also had stories to tell, like receiving $100 handshakes after Auburn football games. Curiously, he spent much more time making those allegations than Kremer did telling us about his lawsuit against Auburn.  You know, the lawsuit that motivated Ramsey to even be on the segment to begin with.  I’ll fill in the blanks on that:

Football coaches are expected to push their players to give the most they can give.

Did Nall and Gamber push too hard? Against doctor’s orders?

The lawsuit alleges that they did.

The lawsuit alleges that Nall and Gamber forced Ramsey to do too much too soon after his first back surgery on April 21, 2008.

The lawsuit alleges that Ramsey reinjured his back in the weight room on June 2, 2008, and that injury led to the second surgery, on Jan. 21 of this year, and ended his career. (Birmingham News)

U.S. District Judge Myron Thompson thought so much of Ramsey’s lawsuit that he dismissed it this past February.  Ladies and gentleman, that sound you hear is Ramsey grinding an ax.

Getting far less publicity than the Ax Grinding Four is the fact that several more Auburn players are saying they didn’t really see this stuff going on.  Four year starter Lee Ziemba provided the following to the Sporting News:

“No, I absolutely did not (receive money),” Ziemba told Sporting News. “In fact, it was the other way around. Everybody is complaining about (not having) money in college. I remember trying to figure out—I was just talking to my girlfriend about this yesterday—I just got my first credit card yesterday and I was talking about how nice it was not to have to choose between eating food and putting gas in my truck for once. Even though now I have money, I told her that would be helpful back when I was in college. That’s the way things were. They were late giving us our scholarship checks, we were getting money on the 17th or something like that, late on our rent checks and stuff. We struggled in college. As much as you whined and complained and tried to get money, you weren’t getting a dime. So I don’t know where all this is coming from.” (The Sporting News)

So a guy who started from the day he stepped on campus and helped Auburn win a national title says he didn’t get paid?  Wow, it appears that Auburn’s got this whole system ass-backwards.  They seem to be paying guys who are on the fast track to being has beens instead of hooking up their actual contributors.  Strange stuff, man.

It would’ve been nice if Ziemba had been part of this particular Real Sports story, you know, to provide a little bit of balance.  But it appears that HBO was never interested in that.

Weeks ahead of the story, rumors circulated that HBO officials were beating down doors trying to hunt down former college athletes who could provide tales of being paid to play.  In his Twitter account, former Ohio State basketball player George Reese shared his experiences with the folks from HBO (start from the bottom and work your way up):

You see, here is where this thing gets goofy. HBO was never reporting on a story, they were turning over rocks looking for one. And that’s questionable journalism at best.

When Auburn was nailed by the NCAA in the early 90’s courtesy of Eric Ramsey’s tape recordings, that was a story that was actually reported on. You see, Ramsey lawyered up and went to the press himself. There were names and dates and times and actual dots to be connected.

HBO, on the other hand, put the spotlight on a few bitter guys who could provide nothing along the lines of the proof Ramsey had nearly two decades ago. In essence, they just beat on enough doors until they could find a few Auburn guys to plug into a piece. And that’s supposed to be journalism?

Forget the goofy reporting, in my opinion, Real Sports jumped the shark a few years back when they carted out Jim Cramer to tell the world that Lenny Dykstra (LENNY DYKSTRA?!?!?) was a financial wiz. How much credibility can the show have after airing a piece of shit story like that?

These guys could’ve save a little face this week by actually reporting on a more timely recruiting scandal, like the one involving Willie Lyles. Here you have a street agent who’s getting MULTIPLE schools in hot water, but instead, HBO went with Chaz Ramsey and the Has Beens. Wow.

Speaking of Lyles, here’s former Texas A&M assistant Van Malone broadsiding the dude in a piece of video from ESPN:

I’m not sure how much more hot water that Oregon or LSU will get into over Lyles, because the whole world seems to STILL be more preoccupied with nosing through Auburn’s closet in the aftermath of Cam-gate. Hell, all of Mississippi State’s money men were exposed in that fiasco, but I guess HBO wasn’t interested in chasing those leads.  If only they’d have come to me, I could’ve provided contact info: John Bond, jbond@eutawconstruction.com.

« Previous Page — Next Page »