The Larry King-ish Stream of Consciousness Column for 10/8

In this edition of the LKSOC we have an unwanted head-coach-in-waiting, a celebration of bad umpiring and the comedic value of the Benny Hill theme song:

◊ Maryland’s head-coach-in-waiting who might be waiting a long time

It happened at Florida State this year when the baton was forcibly taken from Bobby Bowden’s liver spotted hand and given to Jimbo Fisher.  It will most likely happen at Texas whenever Mack Brown decides to give way to Will Muschamp (that’s if someone else doesn’t hire Muschamp first).

It’s the head-coach-in-waiting deal, where someone internally is tabbed to lead the football program in lieu of a protracted search that may or may not yield a desirable hire.  Maryland’s Ralph Friedgen concocted just such a plan with AD Debbie Yow, whereby current offensive coordinator James Franklin takes over once Friedgen shuffles off into retirement.

But Yow is now the AD at NC State, and the guy who took her place, Kevin Anderson, had some interesting things to say about the succession plan that was conceived under her regime:

“I haven’t come to conclusions about evaluating anything right now, so I can’t answer that. I will answer this way — I’m not a fan of the head-coach-in-waiting.”

Anderson was quick to note that his feelings about such plans in general are not a reflection on Franklin. Anderson said he knows Franklin from working on NCAA minority coaching initiatives and that he thought Franklin was doing an admirable job. (Baltimore Sun)

I can understand Anderson wanting to put his stamp on the football program, especially since Franklin isn’t exactly lighting the world on fire in his current position.  To this point in the campaign, the Terps are ranked 95th nationally in total offense (314.4 ypg).  That’s coming off of a season in which the offense finished 102nd nationally (315.5 ypg).

However, there’s one big catch: if Franklin isn’t made head coach by the 2012 season, then Maryland is on the hook to pay him $1 million.  It will be VERY interesting to see how this thing plays out.

◊ Here is today’s “Weird stat that might very well be totally meaningless”

Okay, I stumbled across the following, so here goes: since 1990, if LSU was involved in a game that was decided by 8 points or less right before playing Florida, the Tigers have ended up being 1-8 against the Gators in those scenarios. The only victory was back in 1997, when a Gerry DiNardo-coached LSU squad followed up a 7-6 squeaker win at Vanderbilt with a 28-21 victory over Florida in Baton Rouge.

This year’s edition of the game fits this scenario since LSU is coming off of that improbable 16-14 win over Tennessee.  Despite the fact the Bayou Bengals haven’t exactly looked like world beaters, a lot of pundits are showing them some love this week.  That’s because Florida endured that ugly whipping last weekend in Tuscaloosa.

So what you have here is an LSU team that breathed a huge sigh of relief after what should have been its first loss, while Florida is in the corner of its cage licking its wounds.  I might be crazy, but I think I’ll lean toward the wounded animal and the continuance of the odd trend I alluded to earlier.

◊ I’m a fan of bad umpiring, I celebrate its entire catalog

The torrent of blown calls just keeps flowing in Major League Baseball, and last night it got so bad that not one but TWO managers were ejected from their respective playoff games.  In Tampa, Rays manager Joe Maddon got into home plate umpire Jim Wolf’s ass over a check swing by the Rangers’ Michael Young while Twins skipper Ron Gardenhire lit into Hunter Wendelstedt for not punching out Lance Berkman in the 7th inning of Minnesota’s 5-2 loss to New York.

But it didn’t end there.  Over in the National League, San Francisco’s Buster Posey was called safe on a steal attempt, even though the replay showed that the Braves’ Brooks Conrad had tagged him out.  Posey would then go on to score the game’s only run.  Amazingly, Bobby Cox didn’t erupt over the injustice that his team was served.  How do you like that, two managers get tossed in the 2010 playoffs on the same night and one of them isn’t named Bobby Cox.

What else can you expect in a season where Armando Galarraga lost a perfect game because Jim Joyce couldn’t do his job right?  If this keeps up, robotic umpiring can’t be that far off.  Maybe that’s what the MLB Players’ Association will propose if it gets its requested meeting with umpires and league officials over the recent spate of crappy calls.

Players and umpires have never really gotten along, hell, that’s part of what gives the sport its charm.  But the bad umpiring this year has made that relationship even more tense, as related by Amy Nelson of ESPN.com:

What the players would like to address, two player representatives said, is the growing concern among players about poor communication with umpires and what players see as a failure of accountability and transparency in the grading and evaluation of umpires. Oakland Athletics reliever Brad Ziegler, the team’s player rep, said that because disciplinary action of umps isn’t made public, a distrust often exists among some players.

“We never know why or when they are fined, or reprimanded or held accountable,” Ziegler said. “Anytime a player is punished, suspended or sent down to the minors, the public knows about it. It would be a lot easier to communicate with umpires if everyone was held to similar standards. Our statistics as players are a lot more quantifiable than the umpires’.” (ESPN.com)

I might be in the minority in this, but I want the bad umpiring to continue.  In fact, I want it to get worse.  That’s because there is no more entertaining spectacle in sports than a pudgy dude in his 50’s who’s wearing a baseball uniform having an argument with another man who’s just as goofily dressed.

My biggest regret from last night is that Gardenhire and Maddon both showed too much restraint.  Come on, guys, these are the MLB playoffs, and ugly confrontational shouting matches are the best you can muster up?  Study the legendary work of Phillip Wellman to get some pointers on how a manager should be ejected:

◊ Does the Benny Hill rule always apply?

Okay, call me picky, but I’ve got a problem with the legendary video above being given the Benny Hill theme song treatment.  You see, the clip is funny all on its own, so Benny Hill-ing it up provides no comedy enhancement.  But when it comes to stuff that’s deathly serious, adding a little Benny Hill can in many cases provide some solid laughs:

You’ll notice that I hedged my bets, because unlike some people who believe that Benny Hill-ing ANYTHING can make it funny, I myself think there are limits.   Somebody on YouTube tried this approach with 9/11 footage and I gotta admit, as open minded a dude I am when it comes to getting a good laugh, even I couldn’t generate a chuckle over that.

By the way, the Benny Hill theme is actually a tune called “Yakety Sax” by a dude named Boots Randolph.  It’s the tune he’s best remembered for, but he dropped one of the better sax solos of all-time on the under-appreciated Elvis tune “Reconsider Baby” back in 1960:

◊ The depth problems for UNC hoops continue to get worse

Jesus, you mean to tell me a fifth-year senior basketball player hasn’t learned how to get his act together?  That’s apparently the case with Will Graves, who’s now a former North Carolina player after being dismissed from the team.  Here’s what Roy Williams had to say about the situation:

“This is 100 percent not related to any NCAA matters on campus,” says head coach Roy Williams. “I hate this for Will. He worked extremely hard this summer to get himself physically in the best shape he’s been in years, but he did not do everything he needed to do to be a part of our basketball program. This is a huge blow to our team, but an even bigger blow for Will. Playing for the Tar Heels meant so much to him.” (North Carolina athletic site)

The biggest contribution Graves was going to make for the Heels this season was as a semi-reliable 3-point option.  However, because of the team’s depth problems in the frontcourt, he definitely would’ve been asked to slide down and play some small forward in certain situations.  Now he’ll do be doing none of those things.

◊ The glorious train wreck that is the New Mexico-New Mexico State game

If you’ll recall, I had both of the state of New Mexico’s FBS teams ranked in my preseason bottom ten.  New Mexico checked in at #8 while New Mexico State was closer to the top, er, I mean bottom, coming in at #5.  Looking back now, I probably should have had them #1 and #2 (in no specific order), even if Eastern Michigan and Western Kentucky still exist.

Tomorrow, the Rio Grande Rivalry will be renewed yet again, with the victor being able to lay claim to the title of “Pretty damn close but not quite the worst team in the nation.”  Dammit, I want to see this thing in the worst way, but I’m sure nobody will show it in my neck of the woods despite the inordinate amount of money I spend on Comcast’s sports package.

That’s a shame, because this is a battle of teams that are so bad that they can’t even take advantage of each other’s weaknesses.  For example, New Mexico has allowed 15 sacks through five games.  However, New Mexico State has yet to record a sack on the season.  How friggin’ blessed is that?

This reminds me of the Apple Cup game from 2008 when a 1-10 Wazzu team hooked up with an 0-11 Washington team.  The teams were so pathetic that they couldn’t even decide it in regulation.  In fact, it went TWO overtimes before the Cougars prevailed by a 16-13 count.  If New Mexico and NMSU exceed that point total tomorrow, I will be stunned.

UF’s Chris Rainey recites the wrong “Blade Runner” line to his ex-girlfriend

Just when Georgia’s Mark Richt most needed another head coach to get his name out of the papers over lax discipline, in steps Florida’s Urban Meyer.  This time the knucklehead Gator in question is Chris Rainey, and I’ll let the Gainesville Sun fill in the details:

Christopher Rainey, 22, of Lakeland, a wide receiver for the Gators, was charged with aggravated stalking of a woman he has been dating on and off for about three years.

Gainesville police said the incident began when the woman fell asleep and missed a call from Rainey.

Officer Jesse Bostick said Rainey went to the woman’s home, and she talked to him for about 10 minutes and then told him to leave. According to Bostick, Rainey sent a text to the woman that said: “Time to die.” The woman called police after receiving the text. (Gainesville Sun)

Let’s not all rush to judgment here, people.  Could it be that Rainey is president of the Gainesville chapter of the Blade Runner Appreciation Society, and all he was doing was rehashing Rutger Hauer’s death scene via text message?:

Chris, I’m confused by the reference to “attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.”  When you make bail, could you clear that one up for me?

During Meyer’s tenure, it seems like various Gator players have spent as much combined time in the Gainesville jail as the guards who are actually employed there.  No wonder the Gator fan base worshipped Tim Tebow so much, because while his demeanor and piety wouldn’t have stood out at BYU, those qualities stuck out like the Cape Hatteras lighthouse at Florida.

Unfortunately for Meyer, the Tebows in the program are an extreme rarity while the Chris Rainey types are a dime a dozen.  He should really consider reserving a couple scholarships in each class for some clean cut, home schooled kids.  That way, only 80 or so guys on the roster will have a high likelihood of getting cuffed and booked.

Jimbo Fisher gets a blue chip recruit, then gets feisty

You’re the first year head coach of a big time college football program.  This particular program has lost to its arch rival six straight times by an average score of 34-12.  So how do you approach the season?

If you’re Florida State’s Jimbo Fisher, you get right in that rival’s grill, which is exactly what he should do.  Andrew Carter of the Orlando Sentinel provides the particulars:

Just returned from the annual Florida State football kickoff luncheon. Some tidbits:

-So you know how Urban Meyer never refers to Florida State by name? Always calls ‘em that “school out west.” Well, seems like Jimbo Fisher has taken note. While Fisher was breaking down the schedule during his “State of the Seminoles” address, he finally got to the Florida game at the end of the season. But he didn’t mention Florida as “Florida” or even “the Gators.” No, Fisher called Florida “that little team down the road.” (Orlando Sentinel)

What other choice does Fisher have?  He’s been a coach in waiting for a legend who handcuffed the school because he didn’t feel like retiring at a reasonable age.  As a result, Florida State drifted into mediocrity, something a program with its resources, fan base, location and recent history had no business doing.

Florida State is still Florida State, the expectations haven’t dissipated despite a decidedly uninspired product that’s been put on the field the last few years.  Not so long ago, when Florida was wandering in a daze through the last few years of Steve Spurrier’s tenure and the train wreck that was the Ron Zook Era, FSU was the nation’s top program.

So Fisher knows he’s only got a limited amount of time to get the Seminoles at or near that level or else he’s heading to North Alabama to ask Terry Bowden about any potential job openings.  Patience is friggin’ non-existent in Tallahassee these days.

With that in mind, Fisher’s managed to energize the fan base a few weeks before the start of the season not only through his bravado but also by making a nice recruiting splash.  The verbal earlier this week from James Wilder (yes, the son of that James Wilder) out of Tampa not only gained Fisher a high profile recruit, but also one who happened to be very high on Florida’s wish list.

Here’s Mike Bianchi’s take on the commitment:

If you don’t think this was a huge victory for Florida State, I suggest you click on the UF recruiting boards and see all the whining about Wilder’s decision. Gator recruitniks are beside themselves, saying everything from Fisher deceived  Wilder and told him only what he wanted to hear about playing running back … to Wilder really isn’t all that good anyway … to Wilder just wants to be big fish in a small pond (the ACC). (Orlando Sentinel)

C’mon Mike, let’s not get too carried away with the reaction of Gator Nation.  After all, the fan base of any superpower program goes postal when a high profile recruit they thought was theirs ends up with an arch rival.  But the point was made, Florida State is still an extremely formidable recruiting foe for any school that’s angling for top Sunshine State talent, Florida included.

The next step for Fisher is the hardest, and that’s getting it done on the field.  It’s imperative that the Seminoles have a good showing on September 11 when they visit Oklahoma.  If not, then the new head coach will be hearing some heavy duty grumbling a scant two games into his tenure.