The Larry King-ish Stream of Consciousness Column for 10/15

In this edition of the LKSOC we a role reversal for Texas and Nebraska, a quality hockey fight and Green(Red)man:

◊ 12 years later, Texas and Nebraska have switched roles

It was Halloween of 1998 and on that scariest of days, Mack Brown took his first Texas team up to Lincoln to butt heads with Frank Solich’s first Nebraska team. Brown had been charged with cleaning up the mess John Mackovic had left in Austin, and what a mess it was. Mackovic had generated four seasons of five or more losses versus one season of two losses or fewer.

You might not recall that the Longhorn fan base wasn’t exactly thrilled with the start of the Mack Brown Era. Three games into the ‘98 season, Brown’s record stood at 1-2 following an ugly 48-7 ass whipping at the hands of Kansas State. Coming into the Nebraska game, Texas had righted the ship somewhat and stood at 5-2. However, another loss before the end of October wouldn’t have done Brown any favors with the fans coming down the stretch.

While Brown was trying to restore Texas to past glory, Solich was trying to keep the good times rolling in Lincoln. In going 60-3 over his last five seasons at Nebraska, Tom Osborne had basically tossed Solich the keys to a Rolls Royce, much as Jake Ryan did with the Geek in “Sixteen Candles.” Going into the Texas game, the only bump in the road that Solich had hit in ‘98 was a 28-21 loss to Texas A&M on October 10.

Brown ended up notching the first major win of his Texas career at the expense of Solich that season by a 20-16 count (you can’t count Texas’s win over Oklahoma in week six because the Sooners sucked ass back then). Ricky Williams ran for a workmanlike 150 yards while the Longhorn defense held Nebraska to an un-Husker-like rushing total of 194 yards.

Fast forward to the present and the roles are somewhat reversed between the two programs. Brown is the grizzled coaching veteran trying to keep Texas in its perch atop the Big 12, while Nebraska’s Bo Pelini is trying to work Husker football back to a position of dominance.

Tomorrow, the teams get together again in Lincoln, and I couldn’t help but recall that meeting between them back in 1998.  But there’s some added spice in this one by virtue of Nebraska’s impending departure to the Big Ten.  One of the main reasons why the school decided to r-u-n-n-o-f-t was because of the influence that Texas wields over the Big 12.  With that in mind, do you think Nebraska would like nothing better than to kick Texas in the teeth on the way out the door?

Nebraska’s much more Husker-like (translation: reliance on the option ground game) than any team the school has had in nearly a decade.  It’s not a clone of the offense Tom Osborne ran, but more of a hodge podge of more “modern” option schemes employed by schools like Oregon and Georgia Tech with a little RichRod thrown in there.  On defense, Nebraska definitely resembles the Black Shirt defenses of the late Osborne era: this is a salty bunch that’s picked off 11 passes so far while holding the opposition to 128 yards passing a game.

Can Texas defensive coordinator Will Muschamp get his unit motivated enough to lay some licks on Nebraska quarterback Taylor Martinez?  Can the Texas offense do enough in the running game to keep the Huskers honest and give Garrett Gilbert some breathing room?  Can the ‘Horns overcome a horrible turnover margin that currently has them ranked 106th nationally?  If the answers to all those questions ends up being “No,” Texas will be in for a very long day.

◊ A career that’s definitely seen better days

I mentioned the flick “Sixteen Candles” in the previous section, and that got me thinking about how little I’ve seen lately of that movie’s star, Molly Ringwald. Check out what she’s been up to in the last 10 years courtesy of her IMDB page:

Who’s ever heard of most of this stuff?  I can only imagine how humiliating it must be to go from being a bankable box office star as a teenager to having to guest star on a shitty show like “Medium” in your late 30’s. If Ed Wood were alive today, he’d take one look at that list and say, “Wow, that’s some crappy stuff!”

◊ Finally, a hockey fight worth watching

I’m no hockey fan by any stretch of the imagination, but because I’m a red blooded American male, I’m by default a fan of a good hockey fight. From a couple nights ago, here’s Toronto’s Colton Orr in the role of Mike Tyson while Pittsburgh’s Deryk Engelland plays Buster Douglas:

Deryk Engelland, you awesome son of a bitch, if only 95% of MMA fights were as entertaining as that beatdown you administered on Orr.

◊ Butch Davis is just now banning Twitter?

From yesterday’s USA Today:

School spokesman Kevin Best says coach Butch Davis gave the order to stop using Twitter. Best says defensive tackle Quinton Coples and fullback Devon Ramsey both made inappropriate posts recently. Ramsey’s post involved a photograph. (USA Today)

Wait, hold on, Butch Davis just now got around to doing this?  You mean to tell me he didn’t do this when Marvin Austin’s Twitter pics (with Austin’s original captions included) surfaced months ago?:

Wow, maybe there really is no institutional control in Chapel Hill anymore. On the positive side, at least Davis’s team has played some good football the last few weeks despite all of the distractions and personnel upheaval.

◊ Are Greenman spoofs here to stay?

From last weekend’s Mississippi State-Houston game, here’s yet another take on IASIP’s Greenman:

The fat Sigma Chi in the sombrero is flat out hilarious to me.  Dude, the full body spandex doesn’t work when you’re carrying around a beer belly along with your 2.05 GPA.

Okay, here’s my take on this phenomenon: IASIP is a funny show that’s funnier to certain demographics.  If you’re a white male between the ages of 18 and 23, it’s the freaking “Citizen Kane” of sitcoms.  For people in their 30’s, it’s still funny, just not enough to make you put on full body spandex.  Get any older than that and the show becomes chuckle inducing, but is nothing remarkable.

Therefore, I guess the Cougar fans in the video above have the right venue to pull their gag, because after all, it is a college football game.  But guys, it’s getting to be time to move on, because Greenman (like the show itself) is starting to feel pretty damn played out now.

But will Greenman actually outlive the show, becoming its ongoing contribution to pop culture?  Will douchebags continue to throw on full body spandex a decade from now?  Jesus, I sure hope not.

Marvin Austin’s lost Twitter pics are lost no more

Thanks to StateFansNation.com for digging up Marvin Austin’s lost Twitter pics. It just goes to show you that you can never really delete something from the interwebs. Below are a couple of the more interesting images, and the captions are the tweets from Marvin that accompanied them. After seeing these, I can’t tell whether Marvin’s a college football player or a rapper:

Weslye Saunders ends Steve Spurrier’s run of good luck with the Tar Heel State

The state of North Carolina’s been pretty damn good to the Ol’ Ballcoach the last few years.  You see, while Steve Spurrier’s recruiting cupboard is mostly stocked from the fertile recruiting grounds of his own South Carolina, he does from time to time head north to raid the Tar Heel State.

While he’s supplemented his roster with North Carolinians (the count is 17 right now), he’s also had his win total padded at the expense of his northern neighbors.   In ‘07, the Gamecocks beat UNC in Columbia and won both ends of a home and home with NC State the last two seasons.

However, South Carolina’s latest link to North Carolina is one of a decidedly less positive nature.  It seems Gamecock tight end Weslye Saunders is good friends with Marvin Austin, the Tar Heel defensive tackle who’s the center of the NCAA investigation in Chapel Hill. Lo and behold, the NCAA is now showing Saunders some love as well.

Did Saunders accompany Austin on that now infamous trip to Miami back in May? As of right now that’s not clear, and if Spurrier knows anything, he’s not tipping his hand.  But in true Ballcoach fashion, he couldn’t resist taking a shot at another school when questioned about the Saunders probe:

“All I know is they had talked to him, and talked to some players at North Carolina. That’s all I know,” Spurrier said. “Whatever comes (of it), we’ll just have to wait and see. But I can assure that all of our players, our team, has been well-versed or taught about agents or people giving them gifts or money or whatever. … So if we have a player that accepts money, gifts from agents or whoever, they’ll be ineligible to play.

“We’re not going to look the other way like possibly Southern California did. We’re going to abide by the rules.”

Spurrier said he had no knowledge Saunders had broken any rules.

“I’m not accusing Weslye of anything. He may be innocent. He may just know those (North Carolina) guys,” Spurrier said. “But we’ll just have to wait and see how it all comes out.” (The State)

Of course, whenever something like this happens to a school, fans of its fiercest rival take to the streets and dance with joy.  But if I’m not Clemson, I wouldn’t be so quick to revel in South Carolina’s current misfortune.

In a previous post over the weekend I referenced that Austin’s troubles may be tied to his dealings with former Tar Heel teammate Kentwan Balmer, who currently plays defensive end for the 49ers.

It appears that the NCAA is focusing on whether or not Austin and teammate Greg Little (and possibly other North Carolina players) had improper contact with agents.  Since Gary Wichard is Balmer’s agent, suffice it to say that he might be the agent at the center of the probe.

Here’s a very big hypothetical, so follow along with me.  Let’s say Wichard is in the habit of getting his current stable of NFL clients to help him procure new clients.  The easiest way to do that would have them reach out to the prospective clients they know best: their old college teammates.

Maybe Wichard nudges guys like Balmer to go back to the alma mater and show NFL ready players like Austin a good time.  Then fancy trips to Miami are paid for, introductions are made, and so on and so forth.  Call it a form of networking that the NCAA doesn’t like one bit.

Another Wichard client happens to be Clemson product C.J. Spiller, who was drafted this past April by the Bills.   If I’m a Clemson fan, I gotta hope that Spiller hasn’t done anything along these lines with players on the current team.  It’s a huge a stretch, but who knows, maybe this is Wichard’s M.O.  Hey, I’m just speculating, but let’s be brutally honest, is it that much of a stretch to say an agent would stretch the rules to get what he wants?

With the NCAA on the rampage right now, stones are getting overturned everywhere.  Go ahead and laugh at your rivals if they happen to be one of the schools that’s already caught it on the chin.  But this is the biggest net I’ve ever seen the NCAA throw, so you’d better hope your team isn’t in queue to get its own probe.

Did tweets from Marvin Austin start the NCAA’s investigation of UNC football?

About a week ago, North Carolina football fans were pretty damn stoked about the upcoming season. As of this moment, they’re now sweating out an NCAA investigation that could end up being pretty friggin’ damaging.

The entire scope of the investigation hasn’t come completely into focus, but two days ago, sports agent Darren Heitner posted these interesting nuggets on his web site:

So when Joe Schad tells the world that there is a serious NCAA investigation taking place at UNC, sports agents who may be affected should begin to contact their attorneys. Schad notes that Defensive tackle Marvin Austin was a football player who was interviewed. I have a source who tells me that Austin was only 1 of 13 players who have been interviewed - this is far reaching. And it does not only extend to a number of players. The same source tells me that there are a lot of agents that may have dirty hands, including both NFLPA Certified Advisors and marketing agents. Some are being examined more than others.

It is apparently beyond just in-person meetings, rent payments, and travel expenses. We are potentially talking about all expenses paid trips to South Beach, exorbitant amounts of money dropped on accessories, and perhaps even a Bentley or two. (SportsAgentBlog.com)

I’ll just put this out there: Heitner’s not exactly a big fish in the agent pond, so I’m not sure what kind of reliable insight he has into this affair.  Fast forward to today and it appears that 13 players might be an inflated number.  According to the Raleigh News and Observer, the NCAA has focused its energy on two Tar Heel players, Marvin Austin and Greg Little:

NCAA investigators looking into the University of North Carolina’s football program have interviewed defensive tackle Marvin Austin and wide receiver Greg Little, The News & Observer has learned.

Sources familiar with the situation have said the two players were interviewed in connection with possible improper involvement with sports agents. North Carolina athletic director Dick Baddour confirmed Thursday that the NCAA had been to Chapel Hill to speak with athletes at the school but declined to provide further details.

He said the school is cooperating fully with the NCAA. He told The Associated Press that the investigation began with a phone call from the NCAA. NCAA representatives met with players Monday and Tuesday, according to a source.

NCAA rules prohibit athletes from accepting gifts from sports agents or their representatives. Athletes are prevented from making any kind of agreement with an agent about current or future representation.

For an NCAA athlete, penalties for improper involvement with an agent can be as small as being required to repay the benefit. They can also be as serious as permanent ineligibility. (Raleigh News & Observer)

So what exactly are Austin and Little in hot water about?  For starters, the same N&O article references this:

ESPN.com reported that Austin was asked about having been seen driving the vehicle of former Tar Heels defensive tackle Kentwan Balmer, a first-round pick in the 2008 draft. Balmer was a senior at North Carolina when Austin was a freshman.

Balmer’s agent is Gary Wichard, whose other clients include NFL players Antonio Cromartie and C.J. Spiller.  Wichard has told numerous outlets that he’s never had any direct contact with Austin.

That might very well be the case, but it’s curious that Austin’s position coach is John Blake, who also serves as the program’s recruiting coordinator.  During his career (that included a stint as both assistant and head coach at Oklahoma), several of Blake’s players have ended up signing with Wichard.

But I don’t think the NCAA has its panties in this big of a wad over Austin cruising around in the car of a former teammate.  It might be a trip he took to Miami back in May that threw up some red flags.

Austin shared plenty of details about his time in Florida on his Twitter account, @ANCHORMANAUSTIN.  When I checked earlier, that account has been wiped out of the Twitterverse.

Hey, this is not necessarily an admission of guilt, but I don’t think a guy with a completely clear conscience would delete a Twitter account he was so fond of (dude tweeted A LOT).  Luckily for you, I screen capped a few of his choicest selections the other night.  Here goes: