The Larry King-ish Stream of Consciousness Column for 10/8

In this edition of the LKSOC we have an unwanted head-coach-in-waiting, a celebration of bad umpiring and the comedic value of the Benny Hill theme song:

◊ Maryland’s head-coach-in-waiting who might be waiting a long time

It happened at Florida State this year when the baton was forcibly taken from Bobby Bowden’s liver spotted hand and given to Jimbo Fisher.  It will most likely happen at Texas whenever Mack Brown decides to give way to Will Muschamp (that’s if someone else doesn’t hire Muschamp first).

It’s the head-coach-in-waiting deal, where someone internally is tabbed to lead the football program in lieu of a protracted search that may or may not yield a desirable hire.  Maryland’s Ralph Friedgen concocted just such a plan with AD Debbie Yow, whereby current offensive coordinator James Franklin takes over once Friedgen shuffles off into retirement.

But Yow is now the AD at NC State, and the guy who took her place, Kevin Anderson, had some interesting things to say about the succession plan that was conceived under her regime:

“I haven’t come to conclusions about evaluating anything right now, so I can’t answer that. I will answer this way — I’m not a fan of the head-coach-in-waiting.”

Anderson was quick to note that his feelings about such plans in general are not a reflection on Franklin. Anderson said he knows Franklin from working on NCAA minority coaching initiatives and that he thought Franklin was doing an admirable job. (Baltimore Sun)

I can understand Anderson wanting to put his stamp on the football program, especially since Franklin isn’t exactly lighting the world on fire in his current position.  To this point in the campaign, the Terps are ranked 95th nationally in total offense (314.4 ypg).  That’s coming off of a season in which the offense finished 102nd nationally (315.5 ypg).

However, there’s one big catch: if Franklin isn’t made head coach by the 2012 season, then Maryland is on the hook to pay him $1 million.  It will be VERY interesting to see how this thing plays out.

◊ Here is today’s “Weird stat that might very well be totally meaningless”

Okay, I stumbled across the following, so here goes: since 1990, if LSU was involved in a game that was decided by 8 points or less right before playing Florida, the Tigers have ended up being 1-8 against the Gators in those scenarios. The only victory was back in 1997, when a Gerry DiNardo-coached LSU squad followed up a 7-6 squeaker win at Vanderbilt with a 28-21 victory over Florida in Baton Rouge.

This year’s edition of the game fits this scenario since LSU is coming off of that improbable 16-14 win over Tennessee.  Despite the fact the Bayou Bengals haven’t exactly looked like world beaters, a lot of pundits are showing them some love this week.  That’s because Florida endured that ugly whipping last weekend in Tuscaloosa.

So what you have here is an LSU team that breathed a huge sigh of relief after what should have been its first loss, while Florida is in the corner of its cage licking its wounds.  I might be crazy, but I think I’ll lean toward the wounded animal and the continuance of the odd trend I alluded to earlier.

◊ I’m a fan of bad umpiring, I celebrate its entire catalog

The torrent of blown calls just keeps flowing in Major League Baseball, and last night it got so bad that not one but TWO managers were ejected from their respective playoff games.  In Tampa, Rays manager Joe Maddon got into home plate umpire Jim Wolf’s ass over a check swing by the Rangers’ Michael Young while Twins skipper Ron Gardenhire lit into Hunter Wendelstedt for not punching out Lance Berkman in the 7th inning of Minnesota’s 5-2 loss to New York.

But it didn’t end there.  Over in the National League, San Francisco’s Buster Posey was called safe on a steal attempt, even though the replay showed that the Braves’ Brooks Conrad had tagged him out.  Posey would then go on to score the game’s only run.  Amazingly, Bobby Cox didn’t erupt over the injustice that his team was served.  How do you like that, two managers get tossed in the 2010 playoffs on the same night and one of them isn’t named Bobby Cox.

What else can you expect in a season where Armando Galarraga lost a perfect game because Jim Joyce couldn’t do his job right?  If this keeps up, robotic umpiring can’t be that far off.  Maybe that’s what the MLB Players’ Association will propose if it gets its requested meeting with umpires and league officials over the recent spate of crappy calls.

Players and umpires have never really gotten along, hell, that’s part of what gives the sport its charm.  But the bad umpiring this year has made that relationship even more tense, as related by Amy Nelson of ESPN.com:

What the players would like to address, two player representatives said, is the growing concern among players about poor communication with umpires and what players see as a failure of accountability and transparency in the grading and evaluation of umpires. Oakland Athletics reliever Brad Ziegler, the team’s player rep, said that because disciplinary action of umps isn’t made public, a distrust often exists among some players.

“We never know why or when they are fined, or reprimanded or held accountable,” Ziegler said. “Anytime a player is punished, suspended or sent down to the minors, the public knows about it. It would be a lot easier to communicate with umpires if everyone was held to similar standards. Our statistics as players are a lot more quantifiable than the umpires’.” (ESPN.com)

I might be in the minority in this, but I want the bad umpiring to continue.  In fact, I want it to get worse.  That’s because there is no more entertaining spectacle in sports than a pudgy dude in his 50’s who’s wearing a baseball uniform having an argument with another man who’s just as goofily dressed.

My biggest regret from last night is that Gardenhire and Maddon both showed too much restraint.  Come on, guys, these are the MLB playoffs, and ugly confrontational shouting matches are the best you can muster up?  Study the legendary work of Phillip Wellman to get some pointers on how a manager should be ejected:

◊ Does the Benny Hill rule always apply?

Okay, call me picky, but I’ve got a problem with the legendary video above being given the Benny Hill theme song treatment.  You see, the clip is funny all on its own, so Benny Hill-ing it up provides no comedy enhancement.  But when it comes to stuff that’s deathly serious, adding a little Benny Hill can in many cases provide some solid laughs:

You’ll notice that I hedged my bets, because unlike some people who believe that Benny Hill-ing ANYTHING can make it funny, I myself think there are limits.   Somebody on YouTube tried this approach with 9/11 footage and I gotta admit, as open minded a dude I am when it comes to getting a good laugh, even I couldn’t generate a chuckle over that.

By the way, the Benny Hill theme is actually a tune called “Yakety Sax” by a dude named Boots Randolph.  It’s the tune he’s best remembered for, but he dropped one of the better sax solos of all-time on the under-appreciated Elvis tune “Reconsider Baby” back in 1960:

◊ The depth problems for UNC hoops continue to get worse

Jesus, you mean to tell me a fifth-year senior basketball player hasn’t learned how to get his act together?  That’s apparently the case with Will Graves, who’s now a former North Carolina player after being dismissed from the team.  Here’s what Roy Williams had to say about the situation:

“This is 100 percent not related to any NCAA matters on campus,” says head coach Roy Williams. “I hate this for Will. He worked extremely hard this summer to get himself physically in the best shape he’s been in years, but he did not do everything he needed to do to be a part of our basketball program. This is a huge blow to our team, but an even bigger blow for Will. Playing for the Tar Heels meant so much to him.” (North Carolina athletic site)

The biggest contribution Graves was going to make for the Heels this season was as a semi-reliable 3-point option.  However, because of the team’s depth problems in the frontcourt, he definitely would’ve been asked to slide down and play some small forward in certain situations.  Now he’ll do be doing none of those things.

◊ The glorious train wreck that is the New Mexico-New Mexico State game

If you’ll recall, I had both of the state of New Mexico’s FBS teams ranked in my preseason bottom ten.  New Mexico checked in at #8 while New Mexico State was closer to the top, er, I mean bottom, coming in at #5.  Looking back now, I probably should have had them #1 and #2 (in no specific order), even if Eastern Michigan and Western Kentucky still exist.

Tomorrow, the Rio Grande Rivalry will be renewed yet again, with the victor being able to lay claim to the title of “Pretty damn close but not quite the worst team in the nation.”  Dammit, I want to see this thing in the worst way, but I’m sure nobody will show it in my neck of the woods despite the inordinate amount of money I spend on Comcast’s sports package.

That’s a shame, because this is a battle of teams that are so bad that they can’t even take advantage of each other’s weaknesses.  For example, New Mexico has allowed 15 sacks through five games.  However, New Mexico State has yet to record a sack on the season.  How friggin’ blessed is that?

This reminds me of the Apple Cup game from 2008 when a 1-10 Wazzu team hooked up with an 0-11 Washington team.  The teams were so pathetic that they couldn’t even decide it in regulation.  In fact, it went TWO overtimes before the Cougars prevailed by a 16-13 count.  If New Mexico and NMSU exceed that point total tomorrow, I will be stunned.

The Larry King-ish Stream of Consciousness Column for 10/5

In this edition of the LKSOC…Vince Dooley takes bad parenting to a new level, Boise State gets leapfrogged and I start to feel old:

◊ Vince Dooley, be a good father and admit you want Tennessee to kick Georgia’s ass

I found the following quotes from former Georgia coach/AD Vince Dooley regarding this week’s Tennessee-Georgia game to be very interesting:

“It’s family first, but I’m certainly not going to be pulling for my son in Sanford Stadium,” he said.

The coach acknowledged it will be strange hoping Tennessee defeats his beloved Bulldogs, although his affections have their limits.

“You don’t all of a sudden love that ugly orange,” he said. “I don’t. But I have a great appreciation for the fans.” (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Please Vince, spare us the politically correct, gotta-play-to-the-UGa-homers bullshit. Your S-O-N Derek is coaching the University of Tennessee. You know, the product of your loins who has a chance to carry on the family name in the sport of college football long after you’re gone.

Just why are you showing so much loyalty to the school whose president, Michael Adams, repaid all your years of service by bouncing your ass onto the street?  And besides, it’s not like you got your degree there, you’re an Auburn grad.

I bet you’re being the better man by telling the AJC that crap.  Deep down inside, you want a Tennessee team that just missed upsetting LSU to come into Sanford Stadium and stomp a mudhole in Georgia’s ass.  I know you do.

◊ Boise State gets leapfrogged sooner than I thought they would

Look, we all knew it was going to happen, that some team would put together a decent string of wins and take away that third spot in the polls from Boise State, no matter what Boise State did on the field.  I just thought it would take a few more weeks than it actually did.

Following a 52-31 win over Stanford, Oregon is the team that got enough love to bump Boise State down a notch in the polls.  You know, the same Oregon program that’s not that far removed from getting beat by Boise State (that was on September 3, 2009).

I find it a little curious that Oregon got that much credit for being Stanford.  While I love the job that Jim Harbaugh has done there by getting a lot of mileage out of a throwback style of football, at the end of the day, it’s still friggin’ Stanford.  In terms of overall talent and number of signature wins, it’s a program that’s still lacking.

What did Boise State itself do to deserve its poll demotion?  Well, pretty much nothing.   They beat WAC rival New Mexico State by a 59-0 count.  You know, the way a good team is supposed to do when faced with inferior opposition.  The Boise State naysayers can crow all they want, but I guarantee you that if the Broncos and Ducks hooked up right now, the Broncos would win by double digits…just like last season.

◊ Just a moment on baseball, because it is October, after all

Here’s another reason why the Baltimore Orioles are now commonly referred to as “the once proud Baltimore Orioles”:

Brian Roberts knocked himself out of the Baltimore Orioles’ lineup. Literally.

The veteran second baseman explained Monday that he missed the last six games of the season for concussion-like symptoms after hitting himself in the helmet with a bat.

Roberts, who missed much of the season with injuries, thinks it happened last Monday, after a ninth-inning strikeout against the Tampa Bay Rays.

“In frustration [after a strikeout], I whacked myself on the head with my bat in the ninth. I had my helmet on,” Roberts told reporters. “It’s something I’ve done a million times, but I still can’t tell you for sure if that was it. But that’s the only thing that I can point to because that night and the next morning, I just didn’t feel good. So it’s been going on since then.” (ESPN.com)

The dude gave HIMSELF a concussion, how blessed is that?  I bet he subconsciously did so to miss playing in yet another string of meaningless season ending games for Baltimore.  If Major League Baseball is a pair of Jim Palmer’s Jockey underwear, then the O’s are pretty much an ill-timed shart.

◊ The Not-So-Great Wall of Chicago

Speaking of things that can give you a concussion, how about that Chicago Bear offensive line?  In the highest rated NFL regular season prime time game in quite some time, the Bear front wall allowed New York Giant defenders to accumulate what seemed like 58 sacks (it was actually 10).

The Giants knocked Jay Cutler out of the game with a concussion and then damn near killed Todd Collins after that.  No joke, for a few seconds I thought Collins was dead.  Following the game, a revised list of America’s most dangerous occupations was released, it goes as follows:

1. Coal miner
2. U.S. soldier
3. Detroit police officer
4. Chicago Bears quarterback

That’s why I found the following tweet from former Illinois quarterback Juice Williams to be so damn funny:

If Juice does get the call and actually does see the field, he’ll get MANY chances to show off his mobility.

◊ A tweet that probably made Dickie V. crap his pants…

No announcer/analyst/studio host sticks his nose further up the backsides of more college basketball coaches than Dick Vitale.  Of course Stuart Scott is every bit the brownnoser as Dickie V., but Stu prefers the ass cracks of NBA’ers and NFL’ers.

With that in mind, here’s a tweet from Kentucky coach John Calipari that probably sent Vitale into spastic convulsions of glee.  Unlike other college coaches who pretty much roll their eyes at the guy, Calipari actually shows Vitale some love here:

As a result of this, do you have any idea how much on-air love Dickie V. will show Calipari now?  I suspect we’ll get nuggets like “NCAA titles don’t matter, baby, John Calipari is the greatest coach ever!” and “The NCAA should be ashamed of itself for the Enes Kanter witch hunt!”

◊ …while Malcolm Delaney’s tweet makes me feel so white

Staying on the Twitter vibe, I came across the following tweet from injured Virginia Tech basketball player J.T. Thompson.  First, let me provide some background: this is Thompson re-tweeting something initially posted by his teammate, Malcolm Delaney.  The “#TTTT” hash tag  refers to “To Tell the Truth Tuesday.”  Here’s Delaney dropping his truth:

I am going to be brutally honest here…it took me a few minutes to decipher what the hell his tweet meant, but I think I’ve got it.  Basically, what Delaney is saying is that no African-America male will marry a woman who was already attached when he met her.  Or something like that.

Yup, it’s days like these when I just don’t feel as hip as I used to.  I’ve reached that special age that Chris Rock spoke about, when a man really isn’t old, he’s just too old to be in the club.

◊ San Diego State is having a solid season so far

Try this one on for size: San Diego State is 3-1 and really should be 4-0.  Yup, if it hadn’t been for that monumentally boneheaded defensive screw up in the last minute at Missouri, the Aztecs would have a perfect record.

I’ll tell you what I love about the job head coach Brady Hoke is doing: his team is strong in the kicking game.  Kicker Abel Perez is the current MWC leader in kickoffs for touchback with 11 and the Aztecs lead the conference in net punting (40.8 avg.).

Also, San Diego State leads the MWC and is 7th nationally in total offense at 509.5 ypg.  A good chunk of that yardage is being put up by freshman running back Ronnie Hillman, who’s run for 532 yards and 8 touchdowns so far in what could be shaping up to be a 1,400 yard/17 touchdown type of season for him.

As SDSU prepares for its road game with BYU, what you’ve got is a pretty dramatic shift from recent history: the Aztecs are currently on the board as 5.5-point favorites.  Of course that’s a function of how far the fortunes of BYU football have fallen this season, but don’t discount SDSU.  If they take care of business in Provo, the schedule lays out well for them.  The Aztecs could be 8-1 going into a November 13 trip to TCU.

College football’s preseason bottom 10 of 2010: #5 New Mexico State

If you watch the show “Breaking Bad,” you might assume that damn near everyone in the state of New Mexico is either dealing drugs or using them.  But we know that can’t really be the case…can it?

I’m not going to make an assumption on an entire state based on a TV show, that’s just plain goofy.  However, there is something I can say for certain about the Land of Enchantment:  there’s some pretty bad college football being played there right now.

The New Mexico Lobos checked in at #8 on the bottom 10, and coming in at #5 on the list is the state’s other FBS program, New Mexico State (3-10, 1-7 in the WAC in ‘09).

Talk about a program desperately searching for an offensive identity.  Tony Samuel’s option attack gave way to Hal Mumme’s air attack which has now given way to, well, I’m not quite sure what second year head coach DeWayne Walker is cooking up.

In his first season, NMSU finished dead last in the nation in total offense (229.3 ypg).  So out went Timm Rosenbach as offensive coordinator, with the unit now in the hands of Mike Dunbar.  He’ll have a tough chore getting this train wreck of a passing game fixed.

While the tossing the pigskin part of the equation is being addressed, tailback Seth Smith will get plenty of totes.  He cleared the 1,000 yard barrier last season and is the closest thing to a stud that the offense has.

Naturally, when a team has trouble moving the ball, its defense in turn begins to wear down.  And that’s exactly what happened to the Aggies last season.  On third down conversion attempts between 1 and 3 yards, the opposition averaged 6.4 yards a rush on NMSU. That’s SIX POINT FOUR a pop. Ouch.

But I don’t think the news is all bad on that side of the ball.  If the Aggies can achieve ANY kind of offensive success this season, the defense will benefit as a result.  Cornerback Davon House might actually have an NFL future while defensive end Pierre Fils can blossom if he gets more interior help.

Why NMSU is in the bottom 10: There is no quick fix to be found at quarterback.  As a team last season, NMSU failed to complete half its attempts and as a result finished last nationally in passing efficiency.  Junior college transfer Matt Christian might be the answer, but who knows.

How NMSU can avoid the bottom 10: This is a tough one, because the schedule offers little early breathing room. The opener at home against San Diego State isn’t impossible, but that’s followed by trips to UTEP and Kansas and then a home date with Boise State.  Any, and I mean ANY improvement in the passing game could translate into four or five wins…maybe.

Preseason bottom 10 of 2010: #6 Tulane

Preseason bottom 10 of 2010: #7 North Texas

Preseason bottom 10 of 2010: #8 New Mexico

Preseason bottom 10 of 2010: #9 Washington State

Preseason bottom 10 of 2010: #10 UL Monroe

Plays I still can’t believe actually happened: Miracle at the Meadowlands

You might have already seen the Miracle at the Meadowlands involving the Giants and Eagles back in 1978, but you might not be familiar with the background. If you are, just skip down and watch the clip, it never gets old. For the uninitiated, here goes…

The 1978 edition of the New York Giants were coming off a 5-9 record the previous season. That marked the fifth consecutive season that the franchise had finished with a losing record. Nope, back then, this wasn’t the New York team you’ve come to know as one of the NFL’s most consistent winners.

For the Giants, the 1978 season actually started off pretty damn well. The team was 3-1 heading into October, but that record was achieved by feasting on Tampa Bay, Kansas City and San Francisco, three cupcakes that would end up finishing a combined 11-37 that year (this was the first season the NFL implemented a 16-game regular season schedule).

By the middle of November, the Giants were sitting at 5-6 after three straight losses but weren’t necessarily dead in the water. On November 19, the 6-5 Philadelphia Eagles came to the Meadowlands, and the winner could still achieve a Wild Card playoff spot with a strong finish to the season.

Quarterbacking the Giants that day was New Mexico State grad Joe Pisarcik, a guy who would end his career in the mid-80’s having thrown twice as many interceptions as touchdowns. His counterpart on the Eagles was Ron Jaworski, a guy who would end up being one of the most long winded football analysts ESPN has ever hired (and they’ve hired a few of those).

I kid, I think Jaws is great, but on that blustery day (with wind gusts sometimes reaching 20 mph), he actually got outplayed by Pisarcik. By the time the dust had settled, Jaworski would end up with three picks and no touchdown passes.

Pisarcik, on the other hand, found Bobby Hammond and Johnny Perkins for scoring strikes in the first quarter to stake New York to a 14-0 lead. Wilbert Montgomery countered for the Eagles with an 8-yard run in the second, but the extra point was missed. The half ended with the Giants up 14-6.

A Joe Danelo field goal extended New York’s lead to 17-6. Philly answered with a short touchdown run from Mike Hogan but again botched the extra point. Late in the fourth quarter, Giants defensive back Odis McKinney picked off Jaworski in his own territory. With the Eagles out of time outs, the outcome appeared to be inevitable: a 17-12 Giants win.

With the clock under a minute, Pisarcik knelt on the ball on second-and-2 to keep it running. But Eagles linebacker Bill Bergey bulled into Giants’ center Jim Clack in a desperate attempt to force a fumble. Things got a little testy as a result, so Giants offensive coordinator Bob Gibson (no, he and the pitcher weren’t one and the same) decided against kneeling on it again on third-and-2.

His rationale? If Bergey or another Eagle pulled the same stunt again, a fight could ensue. As a result, the Giants might incur a clock stopping penalty. Or maybe I’m giving Gibson too much credit and he was just being hard headed, who knows. Whatever the reason, in lieu of the kneel-down, he called for Pisarcik to hand it off to Larry Csonka in a play they called Pro 65 Up, which was an off-tackle run.

But that’s where it gets complicated, because nobody on the Giant offense wanted to run Pro 65 Up, most of all Csonka. As the story goes, he didn’t want to take a handoff in that situation and voiced his displeasure in the huddle. Csonka later claimed he even told Pisarcik that just after they broke the huddle and got into formation.

Being a second year quarterback in the league who wasn’t exactly lighting the world on fire, Pisarcik was in a tough spot. In his mind, if he changed a play called by his offensive coordinator he could risk getting himself benched. So the guy went though with it, and here’s what happened:

I’ve looked at this damn thing like it’s the Zapruder Film, and it raises a few questions with me. At the :26 second mark, look closely at Pisarcik. He looks back at Csonka as he walks toward the line…does this confirm what Csonka said? At that moment, is Csonka telling his quarterback not to hand it off to him?

Years later, Pisarcik said that Csonka took a little bit of an awkward angle and as a result the handoff attempt bounced off the running back’s hip. But as you can see in the clip, it does appear that Pisarcik didn’t totally have control of the ball as he was turning from the center.

I also can’t tell for sure if Csonka is even making an honest attempt to take the football. In my opinion, he doesn’t look like a running back who’s prepared get a handoff. It appears to me that he’s running into the line and then looking back in startled amazement as the football bounces around on the ground.

Hmmmmm, so many questions. But here’s what we do know: The Eagles won 19-17 (they finally made an extra point), Gibson was fired the next day and the Giants ended up finishing 6-10. Philadelphia wound up 9-7 and got that Wild Card berth, subsequently falling to the Atlanta Falcons in the playoffs.

Plays I still can’t believe actually happened: Matt Davison in ‘97