The Larry King-ish Stream of Consciousness Column for 9/3

My ongoing tribute to the worst broadcaster in the history of recorded time.  Here’s to you, Larry:

◊ With seemingly half the North Carolina team suspended for tomorrow night’s game, LSU coach Les Miles has more pressure on him this weekend than he had in the BCS title game in 2008.

◊ Seantrel Henderson didn’t watch the USC-Hawaii game last night.  He was too busy listening to Michael Irvin’s new motivational CD, “Let Me Tell You ‘Bout Da U, Son.”

◊ Early season bandwagoning is in full swing: Last night, Utah turned it over three times in the first half and had a punt blocked while holding off a decidedly mediocre Pittsburgh team in overtime.  But some folks already have the Utes’ BCS ticket punched.

◊ People who bitch about early season cream puff games are the douchebags who aren’t satisfied by anything.  I heard lines like, “Marshall’s fat cats got their pockets lined by sending the football team to get killed by Ohio State.”  Really?  The money from that game won’t line pockets, it’ll pay the travel expenses for the chick sports at Marshall that don’t make a dime.  Get a clue, people.

◊ University of Georgia Police took out a warrant Thursday for the arrest of Bulldog football player Alec Ogletree, who is accused of stealing a…get this…scooter helmet.  Wow, talk about putting a death grip on the Fulmer Cup.

◊ Southern Cal fans loved explaining away their team’s curious Pac-10 losses under Pete Carroll (like the 24-23 head scratcher to Stanford in ‘07) by insisting how awesomely balanced and terrifyingly powerful the league was.  After the Trojans gave up close to 600 yards to Hawaii last night, I predict the following excuse from USC fans following the inevitable Pac-10 losses that Kiffin and Company will endure this season: “The Pac-10 is the greatest friggin’ assemblage of football teams EVER.  At least three of these teams could win the Super Bowl THIS year.”

◊ I know he’s just a true freshman, but for some reason I was expecting a monumental coming out party for South Carolina running back Marcus Lattimore last night against Southern Miss.  It ended up being solid (13 carries for 54 yards and 2 scores) but unspectacular.  Maybe he’s saving the explosion for Georgia next week.

◊ In case you missed it last night (as I’m sure you did), UAB blew a 16-point lead to Florida Atlantic and then had a potential game-winning field goal attempt blocked on the final play.  The temperature on UAB coach Neil Callaway’s seat just went up a notch or two.

◊ Wow, another season of being subjected to Craig James in the booth.  To the greatest helicopter dad in history, this is all I have to say:

◊ Indiana took Towson behind the shed last night to the tune of a 51-17 ass whipping, but it wasn’t all cookies and cream.  The Hoosier defense let the Tigers run up 392 yards of offense, 227 of it coming on the ground (at a 5.4 yard a carry clip).  Ouch.

◊ Will the Golden Luchador make a return to some college football field sometime this season? We can only hope:

◊ Colorado and Colorado State hook up tomorrow for another installment of their rivalry.  Remember when people outside of the Centennial State used to pay attention to that game?  I can’t.