Taking back Reggie Bush’s Heisman is an exercise in pointlessness

Reggie Bush is guy whose here and now is about as good as a here and now gets.  He’s a running back on the defending Super Bowl champs.  How many fat, lethargic, cheesesteak-eating American males would kill to switch places with him?

His occupation also happens to make him rich.  Therefore, he’s the envy of all those who could care less about what he does to earn his fat paychecks.   It’s pretty much the American dream, a high profile job that pays a whole lot of coin.

While he basks in the glory that is his here and now, I wonder if Bush even cares about his tarnished recent past.  You see, the road to his current good fortune ran through the USC football program.  Funny thing is, if you look around USC today, it’s getting harder and harder to find any trace of him.

The school broke open the display case and sent back its copy of the 2005 Heisman Trophy that was awarded to Bush.  Man, I wonder how much FedEx charged them for shipping something that heavy…

Once upon a time, there were murals of Bush within USC athletic facilities.  Today, the only surface you might find Bush’s likeness on in Heritage Hall is the back of a men’s room urinal.

And if you’re hoping to catch a glimpse of Bush’s No. 5 jersey somewhere at the school, you’ll be out of luck.  You would probably have a better chance of stumbling across Gary Beban’s No. 16 UCLA jersey on the USC campus these days.

All this because Bush was declared retroactively ineligible following that ugliness with Lloyd Lake and Michael Michaels.

While his former school has redecorated and, more importantly, wrestled with NCAA penalties related to his indiscretions, Bush hasn’t been touched by any of it.  He’s still riding as high today as he was the day before USC started painting over his likeness.

Oh, he lost some cash in settling the separate civil suits brought by Lake and Michaels, but he’s not starving as a result.  And the NCAA’s wrath?  That’s USC’s problem, not his.

But now there’s word of something related to all of this that affects Bush directly.  It seems the Heisman Trust, which isn’t affiliated with the NCAA, wants to relieve Bush of the award it gave him back in 2005 and leave the honor for that season vacant.

Bush would become the first guy in the 75-year history of the Heisman Trophy to have it taken away.  That’s because he’s the first winner to have been declared ineligible for the season in which he won the award.

In the eyes of the Trust, the player they gave the 2005 Trophy to is no longer qualified to have it.  And these people must uphold the honor of the Heisman.

Hey, it’s their prerogative to do what they please with their award, but I can’t help but feel there’s some hypocrisy at work here. Why?

Because they didn’t even take O.J. Simpson’s Heisman away.  And he killed two people.

And they didn’t lift a finger when 1997 Heisman winner Charles Woodson let it slip that he took money while at Michigan.

Those Heisman winning quarterbacks produced by Miami in their glory days?  Yeah, I’m sure they never pocketed any Uncle Luke bonus money.  Right.

How about degenerate gambler Paul Hornung, who won the award in 1956 while playing on a losing Notre Dame team?  He gets to keep his.

You would think that the Heisman Trust might have a problem with a past winner having masterminded a counterfeiting scheme.  But that’s apparently not the case, so LSU’s Billy Cannon gets a pass.

I realize the obvious flaw in what I’m doing here is that Bush’s case is different.  He might not be a gambler or a murderer, but unlike the guys I’ve mentioned, he’s the only one who’s been outed as being ineligible.

Wow, that’s the line that has to be crossed to get your Heisman taken away?  The Trust will ignore the actual criminals among its roster of winners to reach back in time and snatch away Bush’s award?  Sweet!

I guess in their minds, the Trust is taking back what now amounts to the world’s biggest paperweight in hopes of protecting the award’s honor.  That’s because they gave it to a cheater, and cheaters should never prosper.

Uh huh, right.  Reggie Bush won’t lose a minute of sleep over this as he lays on 1000 count sheets in his mansion.  So if the Trust wanted to make a point about this, I’m not sure what it was.

The Larry King-ish Stream of Consciousness Column for 9/3

My ongoing tribute to the worst broadcaster in the history of recorded time.  Here’s to you, Larry:

◊ With seemingly half the North Carolina team suspended for tomorrow night’s game, LSU coach Les Miles has more pressure on him this weekend than he had in the BCS title game in 2008.

◊ Seantrel Henderson didn’t watch the USC-Hawaii game last night.  He was too busy listening to Michael Irvin’s new motivational CD, “Let Me Tell You ‘Bout Da U, Son.”

◊ Early season bandwagoning is in full swing: Last night, Utah turned it over three times in the first half and had a punt blocked while holding off a decidedly mediocre Pittsburgh team in overtime.  But some folks already have the Utes’ BCS ticket punched.

◊ People who bitch about early season cream puff games are the douchebags who aren’t satisfied by anything.  I heard lines like, “Marshall’s fat cats got their pockets lined by sending the football team to get killed by Ohio State.”  Really?  The money from that game won’t line pockets, it’ll pay the travel expenses for the chick sports at Marshall that don’t make a dime.  Get a clue, people.

◊ University of Georgia Police took out a warrant Thursday for the arrest of Bulldog football player Alec Ogletree, who is accused of stealing a…get this…scooter helmet.  Wow, talk about putting a death grip on the Fulmer Cup.

◊ Southern Cal fans loved explaining away their team’s curious Pac-10 losses under Pete Carroll (like the 24-23 head scratcher to Stanford in ‘07) by insisting how awesomely balanced and terrifyingly powerful the league was.  After the Trojans gave up close to 600 yards to Hawaii last night, I predict the following excuse from USC fans following the inevitable Pac-10 losses that Kiffin and Company will endure this season: “The Pac-10 is the greatest friggin’ assemblage of football teams EVER.  At least three of these teams could win the Super Bowl THIS year.”

◊ I know he’s just a true freshman, but for some reason I was expecting a monumental coming out party for South Carolina running back Marcus Lattimore last night against Southern Miss.  It ended up being solid (13 carries for 54 yards and 2 scores) but unspectacular.  Maybe he’s saving the explosion for Georgia next week.

◊ In case you missed it last night (as I’m sure you did), UAB blew a 16-point lead to Florida Atlantic and then had a potential game-winning field goal attempt blocked on the final play.  The temperature on UAB coach Neil Callaway’s seat just went up a notch or two.

◊ Wow, another season of being subjected to Craig James in the booth.  To the greatest helicopter dad in history, this is all I have to say:

◊ Indiana took Towson behind the shed last night to the tune of a 51-17 ass whipping, but it wasn’t all cookies and cream.  The Hoosier defense let the Tigers run up 392 yards of offense, 227 of it coming on the ground (at a 5.4 yard a carry clip).  Ouch.

◊ Will the Golden Luchador make a return to some college football field sometime this season? We can only hope:

◊ Colorado and Colorado State hook up tomorrow for another installment of their rivalry.  Remember when people outside of the Centennial State used to pay attention to that game?  I can’t.

Jeff Fisher’s new least favorite person: the coach of his alma mater

It’s damn near the end of July and USC head coach Lane Kiffin has gone and hired Kennedy Pola away from the Tennessee Titans to be his offensive coordinator.  This is after Kiffin stated publicly that he would be the one calling the plays this fall for the Trojans.

The trouble for Kiffin, who’s mastered the art of getting himself into hot water, is that by hiring one USC alum (Pola was USC Class of ‘85), he’s gone and pissed off another, that being Titans head coach Jeff Fisher (USC Class of ‘80).

“I am very disappointed in Lane Kiffin’s approach to this,’’ Fisher said. “Typically speaking when coaches are interested in hiring or discussing potential employment from coaches on respective staffs there is a courtesy call made from the head coach or athletic director indicating there is an interest in talking to the assistant.”

“So I am very disappointed in the lack of professionalism on behalf of Lane, to call me and leave me a voice mail after Kennedy had informed me he had taken the job. It is just a lack of professionalism.” (The Tennessean)

This has given Kiffin an opportunity to practice something else he’s gotten good at, that being damage control.  Here’s the statement he released today in an attempt to smooth things over:

“We reached out to Kennedy Pola yesterday to gauge whether he had any possible interest in returning to USC before we moved forward with the process.”

“Kennedy said he would think about it and get back to us today. Once Kennedy did call back earlier today, out of my great respect for Coach Fisher I immediately reached out to Coach to make him aware of the situation.”

“I have spoken with Coach Fisher and he now has an accurate understanding of the timeline of events.”

“We realize the timing of this isn’t perfect for all parties, but this is a great opportunity and promotion for Kennedy.” (Orange County Register)

I think it’s highly doubtful that Fisher would accept an invitation from Kiffin to give the Trojans a pep talk in the near future.  But whether or not Fisher and Kiffin speak to each other ever again isn’t what interests me in this matter.  No, what’s fascinating to me is what motivated this hire in the first place.

After running backs coach Todd McNair was released nearly a month ago in the fallout of the Reggie Bush scandal, it opened up a spot on the Trojan staff.  So you’d think the position of running backs coach would be the one that would be filled.

That’s exactly the position that Pola’s worked for the last six years in the NFL.  In fact, Pola was the running backs coach who preceded McNair at USC.  He left the school in early 2004 to take the same position with the Cleveland Browns, where he took over for…Todd McNair.

There’s no reason Pola would go back to USC and assume his old duties, not after he’s gotten a great reputation in the NFL for being a great tutor of running backs.  So it makes sense that nothing less than coordinating duties would lure him away from the Titans to work for Kiffin (I’m sure Pola will also tutor USC running backs as well, though).

But why would Kiffin give up those duties so close to the start of the season?  My theory is that it’s got something to do with last week’s hiring of Pat Haden as USC’s athletic director.

Did Haden force this hire as a way of putting his stamp on the program?  That might not ever be made clear, but the timing is mighty curious…and a little strange.  If this is Haden’s handiwork, then it appears he’s already confused about what an AD does.  His role is to keep the football program squeaky clean and on the good side of the NCAA, not to dictate who’s calling the plays in the Coliseum.  Whether you like Kiffin or not, that’s his job to decide.

USC cleans house and acts like Bush and Mayo never existed

Now that newly former AD Mike Garrett has been forced into retirement at USC, the school can embark on a housecleaning more ambitious than you’d see on any given episode of “Hoarders.”

USC’s president elect C.L. Max Nikias sent out a memo today that outlined the sweeping changes.  In it, he named former Trojan quarterback and current nerd Pat Haden as the school’s new athletic director.  Hopefully Haden can stop pulling for Notre Dame long enough to concentrate on the USC cleanup.

David Roberts, formerly the managing partner of Roberts, Raspe and Blanton LLP, has been hired as VP for athletic compliance.  The memo also stated that the Freeh Group will now have an expanded role in the school’s athletic compliance efforts.  It’s unclear whether or not that role will involve shooting any player agents seen walking on USC’s campus.

However, the most fascinating aspect of the memo was the following:

Daammmmmmn, they’re basically erasing Mayo and Bush from the school’s record books.  In the case of film, the university will just superimpose Bugs Bunny over them in any clips in which they appear and adjust the audio accordingly. “Leinart hands off to Bugs, gain of three over the left side.”

The return of Bush’s Heisman prompted the following homage to Norm Macdonald from Deadspin:

“Reggie Bush Has Heisman Taken Away From Him Even Though He Didn’t Kill His Wife And A Waiter” (Deadspin.com)

These events have generated the following questions in my mind, questions that I’ll share right here:

• How quickly can Haden run this thing into the ground and oversee an 0-12 season for USC football?  Two years?  Three years?
• Can Bush still refer to himself as a Heisman winner when trying to score ass in clubs?
• After hiring Tim Floyd and Mike Price, will UTEP go for the triple crown and make Garrett its new AD?
• Is “C.L. Max Nikias” the biggest smug bastard name in the history of smug bastard names?

To read the USC memo in its entirety, click here.